Asteya - non-stealing or, the broken leg versus the bee sting

The concept of asteya, or "non-stealing," is the third of the yamas, the first of the eight limbs of Patanjal's yoga. This one, like all of them really, seems quite simple: in order to lead an ethical and uncluttered life, don't steal. Don't take what is not freely given to you. Don't live without gratitude or with entitlement. Don't steal other people's energy or take the wind out of their sails with your own stories. Be generous. Offer half of what you have. Swami Satchidananda, in his commentary on the yoga sutra, even tells us that if we have two sandwiches, or two coats, and someone else goes hungry or cold, we have stolen from them. He goes on to tell us that if we take even one breath of air without thanking mother nature, we have stolen from her.Ok, so maybe it's not that easy after all. But if, as a commitment to our spiritual life and evolution, we begin to consider all the ways we might apply this precept in our life, and simply attend to all of the possibilities, we will begin to see that there is a simplicity in a common thread. That common thread is one of gratitude, contentment and generosity.One way that I often see people "stealing" from each other, or from themselves, is through comparing pain - comparing one person's experience of hurt to another in an effort to minimize or to gain perspective.

I call this the "broken leg vs the bee sting."

I'll bet we have all heard, and likely all said, to ourselves or to someone else, something like: I know I shouldn't be so upset, look at all the people who have it worse than me. I heard this again just recently in talking to an IMT client who was struggling with finances. While he described how hard it was for him to make ends meet, and the stress that put on his life, his health and his relationship, he was also deeply conflicted. The social justice advocate in him was also saying, "I realize my place of privilege, and that my financial issues are really insignificant compared to the "real" suffering of others." Well, yes and no.I reminded him that just because other people have more serious financial struggles - people who are homeless or hungry - does not make his own experience any less significant for him. We steal from ourselves and each other when we don't allow for our own pain, or our own tenderness towards our own struggles, simply because we think someone else has it worse than we do.Here's the broken leg vs. the bee sting: if I get stung by a bee, and it hurts and then I see someone else with a broken leg, I can acknowledge that their pain is probably greater than mine, and will likely last longer, and that they may have more to deal with. But that doesn't make my pain go away. My bee sting still really, really hurts. But now I may not allow myself to attend to my own very real pain because I am seeing that someone else's is greater. But that's not the pain I am having in the moment. My own pain is still present and real, but now I may push it away or minimize it because I believe it is insignificant, compared to that of someone else.I have seen this over and over in infinitely more challenging pain and suffering, both in my own life and in my work as a teacher and therapist. I have seen people diminish their own pain of trauma and abuse and family and relationship and eating disorders and loneliness and fear and loss - because someone else has it worse than they do. I'm not sure this is the most effective way of dealing with our own pain, or the very real pain of others. When we deny or diminish our own pain, it will inevitably resurface in some other way, ultimately decreasing our own capacity to face the pain of others with clarity and generosity.

I think it is important for us to live with perspective.

And I think it is important that we acknowledge the vast pain and suffering that surrounds us. But I do not think it is always helpful for us to do that to the diminishment of our own very real suffering, no matter what it seems like compared to that of another. We can learn tenderness and generosity to those who are suffering in all ways, including ourselves. We can learn to not steal any opportunities, from ourselves or from each other, to recognize our own unique challenges and how they are affecting our life, or our health, and to offer love and tenderness to each other, regardless of our own estimation of this "pain value" versus that of another.The next time you hear the phrase, even coming from your own mind or mouth, "Just think about all the people who have it so much worse than you do," simply take the time to hold kindness and care towards those very people, and then redirect your attention and love back to the person right in front of you who is suffering too.

"One wordFrees us of all the weight and pain of life:That word is love." ~ Sophocles

There is no one who could not use just a little more love and tenderness. Don't let the opportunity to offer just that pass you by.We are all in this together.with love and light,molly