36. Ram Dass

36. Ram Dass. I never thought I would meet Ram Dass, much less swim in his swimming pool, sit at his dinner table, watch movies with him in his living room, sing the atma shatakam to him, rub his feet or lead a kirtan in front of his puja table, or that he would end up being such a huge influence on my life, inviting me into a deeper and more relaxed understanding of spiritual life and opening the door to a new kind of satsang through his guru Neem Karoli Baba.My first introduction to Ram Dass was through my friend and bandmate, Kevin Bishop. After going through a very traumatic break-up, I was struggling mightily and Kevin gave me a Ram Dass cassette to listen to, believing it would offer me some perspective and some comfort. I had never even heard of Ram Dass, but I would listen to that cassette over and over and over, driving and crying in my 1990 Honda Civic. I remember at one point, Ram Dass talked about forgiveness and on a particular day, it was just too much for me, what he was suggesting we could forgive, I was far from ready. I remember ejecting the cassette and throwing it on the car floor. I didn't listen to the tape for a long time after that.Sometime later, I saw the film Fierce Grace. I didn't remember a lot about it after I saw it the first time, but as with many people, the letter that Ram Dass wrote to the family whose child had been murdered was etched deeply into my mind. Many years passed, until about three years when I witnessed the tragic death of a seven year old girl, and I was struggling with my spiritual life and my mental health. During those days, I began listening to Ram Dass again, going to sleep every night listening to his podcasts, and often waking up in the middle of the night, feeling anxious and isolated, and I would find a podcast and set my phone on my pillow, listening to Ram Dass' voice to go back to sleep.It was during that time that Sasha suggested I should go visit Ram Dass. We looked on his website, jumped through all the requisite hoops, and next thing I knew I was in Maui at Ram Dass' house, swimming in his pool, waiting for him to come home from an appointment. I had so much excitement and a bit of trepidation that night. When would I actually meet him? What would it be like? What would he be like? I remember that first night sleeping in the Ohana, with books and pictures of and about Ram Dass and Maharaji all over the place, sleeping fitfully and being so irritated in the morning when Sasha woke up and said, "Wow, this place really is filled with spirit, I could feel it all night." I didn't feel any of that. I just couldn't sleep and was feeling cranky.Later that day, Ram Dass' assistant, Dassima came to tell us that Ram Dass would be coming over in an hour. I was so excited, I had even picked out what I would wear to meet him. Just before the hour was up, I jumped in the shower, but was thrown off by hearing Ram Dass arriving. No! I wasn't ready!!! I ran into the bedroom, threw on some clothes and came out to see Ram Dass sitting there, smiling beatifically. I fell to my knees and wept.There are so many stories I could tell, so many things that I learned, so many beautiful synchronicities that occurred during that visit and the subsequent one, so many ways that meeting changed my life, it's hard to choose what to share. I know that on the plane ride home, I cried almost the entire time. I remember getting off the plane and seeing Sasha (I was in first class while he flew coach!) and saying, "This doesn't make any sense. I feel like Ram Dass loves me more than anyone ever has in my whole life. How can that be?" Sasha's eyes filled with tears and he just said, "I feel that way too."Once I was away from Ram Dass, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Almost like with new love, and you've had a fabulous date or two, and you think of that person all the time, and long for the time you will be together again. That's how I felt. I also felt weirdly, newly confident - like if Ram Dass thought I was ok, well then, I surely was. I asked him the secret to spiritual life and he laughed and kept telling me, "You don't have do anything - not yoga, not meditation, not prayer, not austerity, nothing." When I pushed him, he finally gave an answer: Just think of God all the time, and love everybody.I think the thing Ram Dass taught me more than anything is actually two fold. 1. It is truly possible, on this earth, in this lifetime, to become realized and to be an absolute beacon of light and love for people all around you, and especially people who are suffering. 2. Impersonal love is a whole new kind of love that is vaster, stronger, more enduring and more possible than we might ever believe, and when we learn to differentiate attached love from impersonal love, we will open our hearts in profound new ways, and will be able to realize our own true potential to love everybody.i have written many pieces on Ram Dass, but here I would like to share a fairly recent one that I feel expresses his transformative effect on my life. It also brings together some of the other influences I have written about in the past 48 days. I know that meeting Ram Dass, and calling him my teacher and my friend, will go down in my own personal history as one of the most monumental and life changing moments in this first fifty years, and, I'm quite sure, in the next fifty as well.