I had this experience on my recent bra shopping trip. As I was at the register ready to buy my new bra, the salesperson asked me if I had looked for a bra with padding. I laughed and said to her, "My goodness no! I'm already a double D, I don't think I need padding!" She smiled and said, "Well, it's actually because of how self-conscious women are of their nipples. They want to make sure they are never showing." Whoa. OK, I didn't even know that. I told her a funny story about my recent trip to India where I tried on a new silk salwar and couldn't help but notice that my nipples were very attentive to the material, and I just laughed and wondered how my very sweet and deferential tailor Shiva might be scandalized. But it never occurred to me to feel particularly ashamed or embarrassed - isn't that just a part of a woman's body?

Of course, it’s challenging to always know what to say or do in the face of someone else’s suffering, partly because we don’t have much experience with it, but also because “saying” or “doing” isn’t always what’s prescribed. How can we simply share with one another, hear each other’s stories and unique experiences, and normalize them without minimizing them? How can we let go of the egocentric, fear –induced posturing of our own smugness of health in favor of real compassion? Real “suffering with?”